“You’re a Bad Mom For Pursuing Your Passions”
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After I had my first baby, I was so stoked that I got to stay home with him. Even so, life as a stay at home mom eventually started to feel like groundhogs day.
You know the feeling right?
When you do nothing else but change diapers, clean spit up, and plan park visits, it’s practically impossible not to fall into that rut. I know you know the rut I’m talking about.
The mom rut.
That moment when, as much as you love the snuggles and open mouth kisses from your babies, all the late nights and diaper changes start to get to you. That doesn’t mean you don’t absolutely adore being home with your babies, you do! You just want something more.
It’s that moment when you look at yourself and realize you have no hobbies, no friends, and can’t even remember the last time you did your hair or makeup for that matter.
I mean you’re tired sure, but that’s only half of it.
You want to stay home with those chunky thighs and have conversations that only reply with ga and goo. Yeah, a nap would be more than appreciated, but more than anything you crave something for YOU.
But it seems the moment you start to daydream and think about all the things you think you might want to do for yourself, be they hobbies, side hustles, or accomplishing major dreams, the devil himself reveals himself in the ugliest and sinister way he can think of to crush your soul and keep you deep in that rut.
Mom guilt.
Okay, a little dramatic, yes. But is it true? Absolutely.
It’s the thing that keeps us from pursuing our passions or even just make time for ourselves.
We reward personal sacrifice over personal productivity.
We are raised in a culture that “tends to reward personal sacrifice over personal productivity.” as Timothy Ferris, New York Times Best Selling Author, put it.
We, as women and moms, have been raised to believe that we are only good moms if we sacrifice our own goals, interests, and dreams to motherhood.
We kill ourselves trying to do all the things for our kids and check ourselves at the door for fear of being a bad mom.
But guess what y’all?
I call bull crap.
Sacrificing your hobbies, your dreams, yourself? It doesn’t make you a better mom.
I’d dare to argue that it can actually make you a worse mom, full of resentment and little patience.
On the other hand, however, I’d argue that making yourself a priority and pursuing your own passions and dreams can make you a better, happier mom.
So you get a baby sitter or your mom to take the kids once or twice a week so you can work on your goals. Maybe you take the kids to the park to play and bring your laptop or your husband does the bedtime bath and book routine so you can pursue your dreams.
You are a good mom.
Don’t let the idea that, to be a good mom, you have to do it all, all by yourself.
Listen, if you have a goal, if you have a DREAM, then you need to stop listening to that evil voice inside that tells you you are bad for pursuing your passions.
Stop all the mom guilt.
If your kids are loved, cuddled, fed, breathing, and have a bed to sleep in, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!
Don’t forget to add yourself on your list of priorities. Right in-between baby cuddles and nap time.
How To Pursue Your Passions as a Stay at Home Mom:
1. Ask for help.
“Hey babe, can you put the kids to bed tonight so I can add a few listings to my Etsy shop?” “Hey Mom, do you mind taking the kids for a few hours so I can blog/write my book/start a podcast?”
Ask for help. You don’t have to do it all, all by yourself!
2. Make a schedule.
Wake up an hour earlier to work on your blog before the kids wake up, or after they go to bed. Or make Wednesday nights your goal time and ask your husband to take the kids those nights. Whatever works for you, plan specific times to work on your goals and stick to them.
3. Make yourself, and your goals, a priority.
When nap time comes around and you had planned to do x, y, and z but there are dishes in the sink or laundry to be done, WORK ON YOUR GOAL.
If you do the dishes today, there will be more in the sink tomorrow. So work on your goal and do today and tomorrow’s dishes tomorrow. Or, ask your husband can do them. Remember point one? Ask for help.
Robin Sharma said: “Don’t accept a life of mediocrity when you hold such infinite potential within the fortress of your mind. Dare to tap into your greatness.”
I dare you to tap into your greatness.
You don’t have to choose between your dreams and being a mom. You can do both, and you can be great at both. You are a great mom.
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The Comments
Erica
Hi Cassie! I love this post so much that I curated it for my community. It is so important to pursue our own goals while being a mom. It models to our children that it is ok to pursue personal passions while also being devoted to the family.
Thank you for writing this!
-Erica