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When the postpartum identity crisis hits and you’re left wondering what happened and how to find yourself again after motherhood. These nine simple steps will help you rediscover yourself and get back on track.
- Why am I struggling with Motherhood?
- Why Do Moms Lose Their Identity?
- What Happens When You Lose Yourself in Motherhood?
- 9 Simple Ways to Rediscover Yourself After Motherhood
- 1. Set Aside Some “Me Time” Every Day
- 2. Get Out of the House
- 3. Define Your Dream Self
- 4. Set Goals for Yourself
- 5. Try New Things
- 6. Add Yourself to The Priority List
- 7. Join a Moms Group or Class
- 8. Get a Part-Time Job or Volunteer
- 9. Reconnect With Your Partner or spouse
- How do I Find Myself Again After Motherhood?
- More FAQ:
Why am I struggling with Motherhood?
Motherhood is hard, like really hard. It’s a physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting full-time job and then some. That can be all-consuming and leave you feeling like you’ve lost yourself in the process.
Feeling like you’re losing yourself in motherhood is one of the biggest reasons why mothers struggle to enjoy motherhood.
Understanding why moms lose their identities and sense of self after having kids is the first step in rediscovering yourself and getting your identity back after motherhood.
You Might Like: 18 Validating Reasons Why Motherhood Feels so Hard
Why Do Moms Lose Their Identity?
It’s not just that you’re exhausted all the time or that your life has changed so dramatically. It’s that you’ve gone from being an independent individual to being completely responsible for another human being 24/7.
- You’re constantly putting everyone else first.
- You don’t have any control over your time anymore.
- Your body feels different and isn’t just yours now.
- You’re feeling isolated and alone.
- You’re grieving the loss of your old life, hobbies, interests, and goals.
- You feel like you’ve completely lost all independence you had.
- You feel like you’re stagnant and aren’t progressing in life anymore.
- You’re constantly anxious and worried about your kids.
It’s a lot of pressure becoming a mom, and it can be easy to start seeing yourself as just a mother and nothing else. With these things in mind, it’s easy to understand why so many moms lose their identity and sense of self after having kids:
What Happens When You Lose Yourself in Motherhood?
When you lose yourself in motherhood, it can be easy to lose sight of your goals, hobbies, and interests. You might feel like you’re just treading water and not really living.
Your days can start to feel long and monotonous. You might feel like you’re just a shell of your former self.
Your mental and emotional health can suffer when you lose yourself in motherhood. You might start to feel depressed, anxious, or even resentful. Even leading you to hate being a mom.
It’s important to rediscover yourself after motherhood for yourself, your happiness, and your family.
Luckily, there are some simple ways you can rediscover yourself after motherhood.
9 Simple Ways to Rediscover Yourself After Motherhood
When experiencing a motherhood identity crisis, or if you just don’t feel like yourself after having a child, these 9 steps will help you rediscover who you are and get your identity back.
1. Set Aside Some “Me Time” Every Day
As mothers, we often believe that to be a good wife and mother, we have to put everyone else’s needs before our own. But, if you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re going to be run down and won’t be able to take care of anyone else.
One of the biggest reasons it can feel like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood is because you aren’t in control of your own time. Making sure you set aside at least one hour a day just for you can help you with the process of rediscovering yourself after motherhood and feeling like you have control in your life.
This is your time to do whatever you want. Whether that’s taking a bath, reading a book, going for a walk, or to the gym, or just sitting in silence.
It’s important to have some time each day where you’re not thinking about anyone or anything else but yourself.
This might mean that you wake up an hour before the kids get up, or an hour after bedtime. Or you ask your partner to watch the kids for an hour each day or to do bedtime at night so you can have your free time.
Make time for yourself. Whatever you decided on, talk about it with your partner to see how they can help and make it a priority. Then plan it, schedule it out, and stick to it!
2. Get Out of the House
When you’re a stay at home mom, it can be easy to feel like you’re trapped in the house all day. And, if you work outside the home, it can be easy to feel like all you do is go to work and then come home to take care of the family.
But, getting out of the house is important for rediscovering yourself after motherhood. It can help you feel like a person again and not just a mom.
Take some time to leave the house each day even if that means taking your kids to a park, going to a playgroup, or taking a grocery trip run.
If you can, try to get out by yourself. Go on a walk, run errands, or even just go sit in a coffee shop and people watch.
3. Define Your Dream Self
Life changes a lot when you become a mom, but it’s important to know that you don’t have to sacrifice your goals, hopes, and aspirations to be a good mom.
Part of rediscovering yourself after motherhood is figuring out what you want your life to look like. This can be difficult, but it’s so important.
Sit down and make a list of what your dream self looks like. What are your goals? What do you hope to accomplish?
If everything went exactly the way you wanted it to and you accomplished all the things you wanted to accomplish in the next 10 years, and you became the best version of you, Who would you hope to be?
Get really specific. Grab your phone, computer, or a pen and paper, then close your eyes and picture your dream self, the best version of you.
- What does she look like?
- What does she wear?
- What does she drive?
- What does her day look like?
- How does she treat others?
- How is she treated in return?
- How does she act?
- Where does she live?
- What’s her personality like? – Is she optimistic?
- Who’s in her life?
- What are her hobbies?
- What does she do for fun?
- Does she work? What does she do?
- Does she travel? How often?
- What words would you use to describe her?
Imagine her in vivid detail and then, without thinking about it, write it all down. Be as specific as possible.
Most people don’t take the time to really, vividly imagine the best versions of themselves. But this exercise can be pivotal to rediscovering yourself, what your dreams are, and feeling like you have goals and a life outside of motherhood.
4. Set Goals for Yourself
One of the main elements of rediscovering yourself and finding happiness in motherhood is accomplishment and achievement.
Having the feeling of accomplishment or achievement in life is an important part of happiness regardless of being a mom or not. It helps you to feel satisfied and feel like you’re progressing in life instead of just staying stagnant.
As moms, we often feel like we had to give that all up when we became mothers.
It can be easy to feel like you’re stuck in the same place day in and day out. But if you set goals for yourself, it can help you to break out of that feeling.
Now that you know who the best version of yourself is, it’s easier to set goals that will help you get there. Truly helping you to feel like the things you’re working on aren’t just random goals, but they contribute to something bigger.
Ask yourself, What 10 things would you need to accomplish to make that dream version of yourself a reality?
If your dream self was financially free, maybe write down a goal to”make six figures a year” or “be debt-free”. Or if your dream self is fit and has energy, you could write down, “run a marathon”, or “Be able to do 10 pull-ups”.
While these 10 goals may be 10 big life goals, identifying them will help you to set smaller micro-goals to work towards. That way you know that the smaller goals you set for yourself will add up to one big thing: Living your dream life as the best version of yourself.
To do this, get my Free Goal Setting Worksheet here that I use to break down my big goals into attainable bite-sized goals. (This is how I lost 70lbs, paid off all our credit card debt, and more in just one year.)
Having personal goals you’re working towards as a mom helps you to feel like you are a person outside of motherhood and not just a mom. It also helps you identify what your hobbies, interests, and passions are after motherhood.
5. Try New Things
When you become a mom, it’s easy to get into a routine and do the same things day in and day out.
The problem with this is that it can make you feel bored, unchallenged, and like you’re stuck in a rut.
One way to rediscover yourself after motherhood is to break out of your routine and try new things.
It doesn’t have to be anything big or life-changing. Just something that gets you out of your comfort zone and makes you feel like you’re doing something different.
Here are some ideas:
- Join a gym or workout class
- Start a new hobby
- Take a cooking class
- Go on a weekend getaway with your partner or friends
- Attend a local meetup group
- Try a new food
- Start a blog or YouTube channel
Trying new things can help you to feel more like yourself again. It can also help you to develop as a person and find new hobbies and interests that you didn’t know you had.
6. Add Yourself to The Priority List
You’ll never feel like you have a life outside of motherhood if your needs are always put last on your priority list.
Honestly, when it comes to feeling like you have an identity outside of motherhood, it all really comes down to three things.
Having some form of these elements in your life:
- and Independence
When you feel like your life is out of your control, or that you have no freedom or independence, that is the moment you feel like you no longer have a life or identity.
Like mentioned above, the demands of being a mother and raising kids alone supressess those things making it easy for any woman lose their identity. Which is why, when you don’t make your own needs a priority, you run the risk of slowly forgetting who you are or having an identity outside of motherhood.
As moms, we often feel guilty any time we even think about ourselves. We think that we should be grateful for what we have and not want more. But the thing is, you can be grateful for what you have and still want more.
You can love being a mom and still want to rediscover yourself outside of motherhood. You can love your kids with all your heart and soul and still feel like you’re losing yourself in motherhood.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other. You can have both.
In life, you teach people how to treat you. If you teach your family that you always come last, that’s exactly how they will treat you. So, when rediscovering yourself after motherhood, start by making yourself a priority.
Set boundaries with your kids and your partner so that you can have time for yourself. Find a babysitter or family member who can watch your kids so that you can have some time to yourself each week.
Do whatever you need to do to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally. And talk to your husband or partner so they can help.
7. Join a Moms Group or Class
Being a mom can often feel only and isolating. And it can be easy to keep it that way. But, finding friends or some sort of community can help when rediscovering yourself after motherhood.
There are tons of different ways that you can do this. You can join an online moms group, sign up for a mom and baby class, or even just make friends with the other moms at your child’s school or daycare.
Having friends who are going through the same thing as you can make you feel less alone and help you to stay connected to the outside world.
It can also be a great way to get support and advice from other moms who have been there before.
8. Get a Part-Time Job or Volunteer
One of the best ways to rediscover yourself after motherhood is to get involved in something outside the home.
This can be anything from getting a part-time job to volunteering for a local organization.
Doing something outside the house will help you to feel more connected to the world and give you a chance to interact with other adults on a regular basis.
It can also help you to feel more like yourself again and give you a sense of purpose.
That could also mean starting your own business from home (I run this blog for a living) or even just finding ways to make your own money too.
9. Reconnect With Your Partner or spouse
If you’re feeling lost after becoming a mom, it’s important to spend time with your partner or spouse. Raising kids is a team effort and it’s important to remember that you’re in this together.
Spending time with your partner or spouse can help you to feel more connected to them and remind you of the things you love about them.
It can also help you to feel more like yourself again and give you a break from the day-to-day demands of motherhood.
Take some time each week to reconnect with your partner and focus on things other than your kids. Talk about your dreams, goals, and aspirations. Spend time doing things that you both enjoy.
Just remember that you’re not in this alone and that your partner is there to support you through everything in this journey mama.
How do I Find Myself Again After Motherhood?
Becoming a mother can be an amazing experience, but it can also be challenging and isolating at times. Rediscovering yourself after motherhood is important for both you and your family.
It’s a way to stay connected to the outside world, feel like yourself again, and set a good example for your kids.
So, it’s important to take some time for yourself and find ways to rediscover who you are outside of motherhood. It will help you to feel more joy and less alone as a mom.
These 9 tips has helped me to find myself again after motherhood, and I know it will help you too.
How Long Does it Take to Adjust to Motherhood?
Becoming a parent is one of the biggest changes you will ever go through in your life. It can be a huge adjustment and it can take some time to get used to your new role.
For some women, it takes a few weeks or months to feel like themselves again. But for others, it can take much longer.
It’s important to give yourself time to adjust and to be patient with yourself. It’s also important to ask for help when you need it.
If you’re struggling to adjust to motherhood, talk with your spouse or to doctor. They can help you to find ways to cope with the changes you’re going through and give you the support you need.
If you’re wondering how to adjust to motherhood, incorporating these nine steps will also help you better adjust to motherhood without losing yourself in the process.
Can Your Personality Change After Having a Baby?
Pregnancy and motherhood can be a time of great change for many women. It’s not uncommon for women to feel like their personality has changed after having a baby.
For some women, they may become more introverted and need more time to themselves. Others may feel like they are more outgoing and social after becoming a mom.
You have a lot of hormones running around in your body after having a baby. So it’s important to remember that these changes are normal and that they don’t necessarily mean that your personality has changed permanently.
If you’re struggling with the changes in your personality, talk with your doctor or to a therapist. They can help you to understand the changes you’re going through and give you tools to cope with them.
How do New Moms Not Lose Themselves?
Becoming a mother is a huge change and it can be easy to get lost in the shuffle.
So, if you’re a new mom or soon to be mom worried about possibly losing yourself in motherhood, know these 9 steps are helpful for moms at any point in their motherhood journey.
But here are some tips to help.
How to not lose yourself as a new, or soon to be mom:
- Talk to your partner and be clear about the needs and expectations you have for each other in parenthood.
- Remember being a good mom doesn’t mean giving up your old life and goals. Motherhood should be an “and” situation, not an “or”.
- Remember the person you were before you were a mom matters.
- Be sure to share the physical and mental responsibilities of being a parent. Don’t take it all on yourself.
- Don’t put yourself last.
How Did Motherhood Change You?
Motherhood will change you. You can’t avoid it. It’s one of the biggest life changes a woman can go through.
It changes you physically and mentally, but people are supposed to change and progress. It’s how we grow in life.
You’re not supposed to be the same person you were at 16 at 30. Living life means you have to change and grow.
Of course, it’s not always easy. Change can be hard and scary, but it can also be beautiful and empowering.
One of the biggest ways motherhood has changed me is knowing what true, unconditional love is.
The love I feel for my children had no strings attached. I loved them so deeply and fiercely from the second I saw them for no reason at all.
It was different from anything I had ever felt before, and that changes a person.
Motherhood changes you, but know that these 9 ways to rediscover yourself after motherhood will help you to find yourself and find happiness in it too.
How is motherhood going for you? Let me know in the comments or over on Instagram @CassScroggins!
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